Learn how one woman rebuilt her life after decades of substance abuse—and how she's encouraging others to do the same.
Carolann Livingstone remembers taking her first drink when she was 8 years old.
"My father owned a neighborhood bar and I started drinking on the sly," Carolann says. "And whenever they had parties at the house, I always wanted to play the waitress because I got to bring the half-empty glasses back to my father, which I drained on the way there."
Some 40 years later, she found herself dropping off her 4-year-old son at his grandmother's house, knowing full well that she wasn't going to return because, as she says, "crack was more important to me than my own son." The road that led her from that first sip of alcohol to a devastating drug problem was littered with years of substance use. Alcohol progressed to marijuana and hallucinogens and, eventually, to an addiction to crack that nearly killed her.
"It took me to places I never thought I'd go. Sleeping outside, living on the street. Doing things I never imagined I'd ever do," she says. "I was sleeping under a bush in a playground in [the Providence, Rhode Island neighborhood of] Fox Point. My addiction took me there."
Dark before the light
After leaving her son, Carolann fell deep into drug use. Then, for reasons she's still not quite sure about, she made a life-changing choice: She decided to go for help at The Providence Center, a community behavioral healthcare organization in Providence.
"I don't know how it happened," she says. "I was so desperate one day, I just showed up there."
The Providence Center offered her a spot in their Short-term Substance Abuse Residential Treatment Program. Still, she wasn't sure. When she told her adult son about the opening, he gave her the push she needed.
"I told my oldest boy, 'They're offering me this bed. They think I'm an addict, blah, blah, blah,'" she says. "This was September. It was starting to get cold. He said, 'Ma, why don't you just go in there and play along.'"
A "moment of clarity"
Carolann took her son's advice and "played along." She admits that she didn't buy into the program at the start. Although she would say she was an addict, she didn't believe it. Then, during a group session about three weeks into the program, something clicked.
"I said it, and I realized—I started to cry," she says. "I looked at the facilitator of the group and I said, 'I'm a drug addict.' She kind of laughed and said, 'Yeah, you are.'"
"In the program, they call it your 'moment of clarity,'" Carolann says. "It came to me that I was an addict and I didn't know what the hell I was doing or how to make myself better, so I should listen to these people because they might know what they're talking about."
Carolann did listen, and she worked hard to change her behaviors and to understand what was driving her drug use. Along the way, she learned that she was suffering from major depression, borderline personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. That's not surprising. Mental disorders and substance abuse often go hand in hand.
She attended classes, underwent therapy, and learned valuable coping skills. With The Providence Center's help, she also enrolled in college. Today, she is in her seventh year of recovery, and is a recent graduate of Rhode Island College. She received a B.S. in Chemical Dependency and Addiction Studies and a B.A. in Counseling Psychology last May. Now, she hopes to get her master's degree.
"After the fact, my son told me he would've said anything to get me into that program."
Road to recovery
Carolann's journey to The Providence Center and beyond took her through many of the stages of change (see Understanding the stages of change) described by Sharon Morello, Director of Intermediate and Residential Services at The Providence Center, when she spoke about the recovery process. Sharon has worked in addiction medicine for nearly 25 years.
"We are always trying to move clients and patients through the stages of change," Sharon explains. "A good therapist will recognize where a person is in the stages of change, and help move them to an action phase while they're in treatment."
When it comes to treatment, there are many options. Which is best depends on the person, his or her problem, and where he or she is in the continuum of change. Typically, behavioral therapy, medication, or some combination of the two is used. Treatment settings include inpatient, outpatient, and residential. Oftentimes, self-help groups and peer support can be very beneficial. In every case, education is an essential component of the recovery process.
"It's really about giving people options on how to change their behavior cognitively," Sharon says. "We're always thinking about 'What are the behaviors that I am doing?' and 'Why do I want to change them?' We use cognitive behavioral therapy, which is an evidence-based practice, to really help people make those behavioral changes."
As in Carolann's case, the patient doesn't necessarily have to be 100 percent behind the idea of treatment at the outset for it to work. Sometimes a push from a family member, employer, or the criminal justice system can start the engine of recovery. The key for family and friends is to get past the stigma that is so often attached to substance abuse and intervene as early as possible, preferably before the problem gets worse and is more difficult to treat.
"A lot of people have external motivators to bring them into treatment, and there's nothing wrong with that," Sharon says. "If we can treat things early, we have a better chance."
Anyone can do it
While she was in treatment, Carolann contacted her younger son to apologize. It was a very painful experience, but when the pain finally eased, she realized the important lesson she had learned.
"That was the first experience I had where I realized I didn't have to get high to make that feeling go away," Carolann says. "So the next time something bad happened, something hard or painful, I could look back and say, 'You know when I made that phone call and I cried all that time and it hurt really bad, it eventually went away, so this will probably go away too.'"
Carolann reunited with her son, and now lives with him, her adult daughter, and her grandson. Her message to others who want to rebuild their lives after addiction inspires hope. She encourages them to "love themselves" and understand that they are not bad people. They have an illness that they are not treating properly.
"Anyone can do what I did," she says. "I'm not just some special person. I just got sick of being a drug addict and living that awful life."
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Understanding the stages of change Precontemplation - The person is not ready for change and may be in denial or be demoralized. Advice probably will be rejected. However, offering the person basic information about the benefits of changing may help them progress to the next stage. Contemplation - The person recognizes change is necessary and is thinking about it, but may be conflicted. Encouragement and guidance may move the individual closer to action. Preparation - The person is planning to change soon and may have taken some steps to modify his or her behavior. This individual may appreciate help with creating an action plan. Action - The person is actively changing his or her behavior. Ongoing support and empathy can help the individual continue to progress. Maintenance - The person is trying to sustain change that has lasted at least six months. Again, ongoing support is important, as is help to identify ways to avoid tempting situations. Relapse - This can happen at any point. The key is to help the person understand this is a normal part of the process and to get him or her to return for treatment. Relapse is not a stage—it is regression to an earlier stage. The most serious mistake the person can make is to give up on their ability to change. Let them know you aren't going to give up on their ability to change. Source: James O. Prochaska, John Norcross, and Carlo DiClemente. Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward. Harper Paperbacks, 1995. Used with permission. |
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